Sue’s Weblog

Just another one of those days of mixed blessings, I guess.  I started out the day having to cancel a massage that I had been planning to receive, while my hubby received one in the next cubicle of the local student clinic.  I had to cancel it in order to be on time to an afternoon appointment, which I ended up having to post-pone a bit later, due to stormy weather. 
So I went to my office to give a massage, and when I came back, my husband went out to get the one massage that I hadn’t canceled, and I scrubbed toilets, shifted laundry and did dishes, then as I was trying to take a business phone call, my son decided that Mommy should be paying more attention to him, and it was absolutely vital that I pay attention to him NOW. 
All the tips from all the good books on child rearing that I’ve read went out the window.  I got off the phone fast, and told my son that he has to be patient when I’m on the phone and that it makes me angry when he doesn’t wait quietly, and that I don’t want to hear what he has to say, when he interrupts, and that next time he’s going to get a spanking.
He backed off, and told me that I was scaring him, and then wouldn’t talk to me for a while, so I started feeling guilty……ME- the mother that’s been letting her son sleep on her belly for the past week, because he’s been ill and clingy.  ME- the one that’s been taking care of him, at home instead of sending him to school in the rain, even after he was recouperated.
So I went and tried to assuage my guilt by eating “reduced guilt” potatoe chips.  I guess it worked, because I suddenly realized that I’m a pretty good Mom after all.  After all, I had let him have 3 baths one day, when he was sick, because he was enjoying it, and because I knew that the bath salts that I was dumping in were keeping him mellow enough to enjoy watching the same DVD over and over, while I got some work done.  Hehe.
I’d also gone with my gut, this time, and made him take the Yin Chiao that my accupuncturist had suggested for colds, even tho my husband and parents pooh-pooh and even discourage (strongly) the practice of “experimenting with my son’s health”.  He didn’t like it, so I bribed him with chocolate every time.  Hey, it worked.
Chocolate and tv are my son’s currency.  I’d really rather use these as tools of discipline than threaten to spank, or become dictatorial, but I do that at times too. 
My husband somehow manages to make it fun for our son to do what needs to get done, so I often feel like the bad cop, because when I’m in a hurry, I just want him to do it now, whether it’s fun or not.  Today, for example:
I was frustrated, because my folks were honking, and waiting for us to put our son in their car for his over-night at their place, and I had just discovered that my son had a present for me, in his pants.  I told him that this is why he goes to his Grands’ so often- because he is already trained and still doing “that” in his pants.
He said: You’re mean.
I said: Ya.  I’m mean enough to spank you if you don’t get your pull-up on by the time I count to six.
I didn’t make it to 4, as I washed poop off my hand, and went to get him dry pants to cover the pull-up.  I helped him on with his pants, and rain boots, and carried him down stairs, so he wouldn’t trip in his still too big boots, which fell off on the way, so I put them back on him for the 3rd time in 5 mins. 
My wonderfully supportive and unflappable husband who was standing over us, ready to tuck our son into my parents’ car, chortled his glee, down at us, and boisterously invited our son to get up and head out onto the drive way, and I didn’t even watch him go.  After all, he’d been terribly rude about interrupting one of my business calls, earlier Today, kept me up late last night chattering then whispering on my belly, not to mention those last 3 months when he was making my feet huge and pitted just before he was born!  Ya.  I’m holding that against him too.
Well this has turned into just another one of those gushy things that Moms do, in disguise.  Allow me to translate that last paragraph, for you.
When I say I’m holding the pitted feet against him, what I’m really saying is that his birth was a wonderful experience, and a labor of love, as it always is, no matter how bad it gets for any of us Moms to be. 
When I say he kept me up late, I’m really saying that it was really sweet to half wake up a few times in the night, and be able to kiss his head without having to move, and when I say that he rudely interrupted my phone call, well that’s par for the course.
Parents have to expect their kids to not be perfect.  It’s a genetically inherrited disorder.  Think about it.
Etiquette is learned and in order for it to be learned it has to be taught, and we have to make allowances for other peoples beliefs surrounding the concept of etiquette. 
One server in a restaurant actually told me quite rudely, once when I had mentioned something about how polite my child was for his age, that she didn’t think he was so polite to be trotting around the restaurant wherever he pleased, and when ever he pleased.
His Dada was following him, and letting him safely get some wiggles out, and the family style coffee shop wasn’t terribly crowded, and from what I could see, the other patrons were thrilled when he spoke to them.  (He’s 4.5 yrs. old). 
This server was obviously rather old school in her philosophy about etiquette, but thought nothing of giving an unsolicited opinion.  
Here’s a tip on etiquette.  No matter where you are, in the world, make sure that people want your opinion before you give it.  I considered leaving a 2 cent tip on the table, as we planned to leave, because her opinion had been unsolicited, rude and rudely spoken.  The only reason that she got more than a 2 cent tip, was because my husband wanted to make sure that we would be welcome in that restaurant again, so he said that we should let her comment pass, and chalk it up to our server having had a bad day or something.  Anyone can have a bad day, I guess. 
Anyone can have a bad day, but what you do about it, is really a measure of what kind of person you are.  Comediens will poke fun at themselves or the situation or their friends/parents/others.  Pessimists will grow into bitter old men and women of failing health, and Optimists will turn their troubles into opportunities, or at least learn from them, to turn them into opportunities at a later time. 
Which category do you fall into?  Which one would you like to fall into?  It won’t just happen.  You have to make conscious change, which takes thought, effort, and journaling.  Some people benefit from some professional coaching which can help you to change your perspective, your mode of self talk, and to clarify your vision of what you want, and make sure that you truely believe in your priorities, and are on track to meeting your goals.
It’s easy to be busy every day, and think that you’ve got to be on your way to meeting your goals, without really being effective. 
If you’d like a referal to a good coach, business or life, please ask me, by email:  Makodiak@Juno.com.  I know several, through my membership in several different organizations:  Connections, Petaluma Mothers Club, Parent Pack, and soon maybe ToastMasters or The Moose.  I have all sorts of contacts that could be helpful to you.  Please feel free to email.